a million ways to die in the west mustache quotes
It's got to be bad for their brains, right? Albert Stark, a mild mannered sheep farmer living outside of Old Stump, Arizona, hates everything about living in this time and place, especially the literally million ways he and others can easily die every day without a care, from shoot-outs, to bar brawls, to bites by rattlesnakes hiding in outhouses, to affliction by any one of numerous untreatable plagues and pestilences. As Albert and Anna start to fall for each other in the process, Anna has to decide if and when she will tell him the truth: that she is already married, albeit unhappily, to Clinch Leatherwood, a vicious outlaw who, along with his gang, she and Lewis are waiting for in Old Stump. The film follows Albert Stark (MacFarlane) who feels certain that the western frontier is trying to kill him while coping from his break-up with his girlfriend. As . Edward: Hey, dude, you really shouldn't drink and horse. Anna: I'm a little cocky. His running gag about how people never smile in old-fashioned photographs might have seemed hilarious on paper but it certainly isnt on the screen. If MacFarlane had spent as much time crafting jokes as he did writing the lyrics for the amusing title tune (sung by country ace Alan Jackson) and the catchy mid-film number The Mustache Song, A Million Ways to Die in the West would have been a much better movie. Louise: You're not even a good sheep farmer, Albert. A Million Ways to Die in the West rides into theaters . Anyone can read Conversations, but to contribute, you should be a registered Torstar account holder. I suck at sheep. [leaves]. The shooting gallery at the fair has only 10 targets (2 rows of five), but Anna shoots 12 for a perfect score. Your mileage may vary depending on your enthusiasm for his smirking frat-boy comedy. All We follow the life of Albert Stark (Seth MacFarlane), an incompetent and inept sheep farmer whose girlfriend Louise (Amanda Seyfried) breaks up with him because of his glaring lack of courage and skill. A Million Ways to Die in the West is not for everyone. Yet hes afraid to stray from knuckle-dragging comedy, being obsessed with jokes about farts, diarrhea and genitals that splat more often than they zing. The film was number three at the box office during its opening weekend and grossed over $87 million worldwide against a budget of $40 million. Entertainment Weekly is a registered trademark of Meredith Corporation All Rights Reserved. Foy: My dear, they're practically Chinese! But, just how many ways to die are there in the west? Albert: It's just another way God mysteriously shows that He loves us. MacFARLANE: It always depends on the gag, more than the person. . As a very loose rendition of historical fiction, it requires an ability to enjoy the suspension of belief in order to appreciate the humor, as well as an ability to look past the few offensive remarks to that are both poignant stabs at the time period as well as timely interpretations of . Even as a self-described non-dancer, MacFarlane knows how to assemble the right team for a showstopper. Maybe its his way of paying her back for mentioning her in his tasteless We Saw Your Boobs song at the Oscars. Copyright Fandango. A Million Ways to Die in the West: Trailer 1, A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Ways to Die, A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Eddie's Girl, A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Things Could Be a Lot Worse, A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Eddie's First Time. Terms and Policies 27 May 2014 Ted became one of the highest-grossing comedies ever made, he pretty much had the freedom to do whatever he wanted for his second movie. After his directorial debut Ted was widely praised by critics and became one of the highest-grossing R-rated comedies ever made, Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane had the freedom to do whatever he wanted with . At least stay through the weekend. Amick Byram. Millie: You're okay with your girlfriend screwing, like, 15 different guys every day and getting paid to do it? A Million Ways to Die in the West. Our old schoolmarm got her throat slit by a fast moving tumbleweed. - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack. McNeely bases his playful and robust score on classic silver screen-era Westerns, offering up a pastiche that's both reverent and self-aware, while the theme song, which is performed by Alan Jackson, and "If You've Only Got a Mustache," the latter of which is performed by Grammy-nominated American tenor Amick Byram, are as goofy as they are . The only time it came out of nowhere was when Charlize said, "Hey, Ewan McGregor is doing a movie up the street!" Albert: You know, there are a million ways to die in the west, Clinch. Well, it was still good though. Depressed and discouraged by how his life is full of disappointment and how every instance of love is then destroyed and robbed from him, Albert finds comfort in Anna (Charlize Theron), a newcomer to his small village. George Stark: [Farts] That came out of my penis! If You've Only Got a Moustache. Vulgar, crude, self-referential, and irreverent, A Million Ways to Die in the West is a typical Seth MacFarlane comedy. R, 1 hr 55 min. But I got great tits. Ruth: But this is just the outside, there's these folds. As a very loose rendition of historical fiction, it requires an ability to enjoy the suspension of belief in order to appreciate the humor, as well as an ability to look past the few offensive remarks to that are both poignant stabs at the time period as well as timely interpretations of . This is the curious thing about MacFarlane. I never see him. Do you know what kind of hours he has to work? Apple TV & Privacy Gunman at Fair in Final Scene: [after shooting someone] people die at the fair. The film received mixed reviews from critics, with criticism directed toward the film's length and MacFarlane's performance. 27 Songs, 1 hour, 2 minutes "A Million Ways to Die in the West Quotes." He followed up Ted with 2014's A Million Ways to Die in the West, a spoof of westerns pointing out just how bleak and unromantic life in the Old West would've been.. RELATED: 10 Funniest Quotes From Ted While A Million Ways to Die in the West was nowhere . What Shows Have Been Renewed or Canceled. Joel McNeely composed the score and Media Rights Capital, Fuzzy Door Productions, and Bluegrass Films produced the film. What is the Japanese language plot outline for A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)? Albert recklessly challenges Foy to a gunfight a week hence, even though the hapless sheep minder literally cant shoot to save his life. Edward: Okay, i'm gonna close the bible now. For a few chuckles more. Albert: The guy is one of the best shots around. permissions/licensing, please go to: www.TorontoStarReprints.com, Starring Seth MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Liam Neeson, Neil Patrick Harris, Amanda Seyfried, Sarah Silverman and Giovanni Ribisi. Albert is befriended by Anna, along with her "brother" Lewis who are new to Old Stump, and she who is self-admittedly "smokin' hot". The real peculiarity of A Million Ways To Die in The West and what a waste of a great titleis that it's got no good reason to be a Western in the first place, tongue-in-cheek or not. The 50 greatest TV and movie detectives of all time. To order copies of But when her husband, a notorious outlaw, arrives seeking revenge, the farmer must put his newfound courage to the test. Stay up-to-date on all the latest Rotten Tomatoes news! Wandered in there, and then when I went to pick it up, somehow it had made 20 dollars. Edward: Hey, dude, you really shouldn't drink and horse. A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Sh**ty Showdown, A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - If You've Only Got a Moustache, A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - You Really Do Have a Death Wish. There's, uh, famine, disease, gunfights And, uh, wild animals. Louise: [flustered] They're not that big. Anna: Especially a smoking hot girl. Indian Chief: (after Albert's drug trip hallucination; in Athabaskan) Did you shoot the black condor and then kicked it in the balls? . But some men were just big giant pussies. A Million Ways to Die in the West, Seth MacFarlane's follow-up to Ted, has a solid cast and holds promise, but the trailers simply gave all the best jokes away. By creating an account, you agree to the And then, for a good reason, Albert gets dumped by his charming girlfriend, Louise, only to fall head over heels in love with the intriguingly mysterious, horse-riding and pistol-packing stranger, Anna. Constantly terrified, the meek and lily-livered sheep farmer, Albert Stark, mainly struggles to stay out of trouble in dusty and dangerous 1880s Arizona, utterly convinced that everything out there can and will kill him. Anna: [to Louise] How can you be so blind with eyes that big?! If You've Only Got a Moustache. Anna: There is something about connecting over mutual hatred that is just so much deeper than mutual love. Like. As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival. Albert, in turn, has to decide when he will become a real man in doing what he needs for what, or who, he truly wants in life. Web. I read an article in the paper. Well, did he at least hear all the smart things I said? After Albert backs out of a gunfight, his fickle girlfriend leaves him for another man. Like. All rights reserved. 1882. 18 Songs, 41 minutes But if I caught you by surprise Well, Anna taught me just enough to get me in the ballpark. There may indeed be A Million Ways to Die in the West, as the title of Seth MacFarlanes parody western asserts. A Million Ways to Die in the West. Like, My God, you put all this work and all this time and all this artistry into a song about sperm?'. As a fan of Seth MacFarlane's series Family Guy and his feature film debut Ted, it's a shame to report that if you've seen the trailers for his new western comedy A . 11. Albert: Oh my god, please! Tap "Sign me up" below to receive our weekly newsletter That's a dollar bill!". "Don't go snackin' if you been tobaccin'.". Albert: Okay, all right, get ready. Enter Anna, played by Charlize Theron, a regular Annie Oakley who takes a shine to Albert and wants to show him how to cock his pistol. Old Stump Bluegrass . Louise was right, I can't keep track of them. Cochise: There is an ancient proverb among my people: Sometimes the only way for a man to find true happiness is to take drugs in a group. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Me too. Doc Brown: Nothing. Casting was done between December 2012 and March 2013. Your sheep are everywhere. 'A Million Ways to Die in the West': Inside the 'Mustache Song'. 116 minutes. And in director/co-writer/star Seth MacFarlane's A Million Ways to Die in the West (in theaters today), Neil Patrick Harris, playing the douchebag proprietor of an Old West mustache shop, loses a . 1, Independence Day: Resurgence (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), Hail, Caesar! He followed up Ted with 2014's A Million Ways to Die in the West, a spoof of westerns pointing out just how bleak and unromantic life in the Old West would've been. 2014 Universal Studios. When she shoots, short cuts to the gallery show 10 targets, but 12 shots are heard and Anna wins the prize for perfect score. But when her husband, a notorious outlaw, arrives seeking revenge, the farmer must put . Check out the interactive photo below for more details on the scene. Monty Pythons Every Sperm is Sacred is sort of the best example I can think of, he said. Seth MacFarlane writes, directs and stars in this Western about a sheep farmer who falls in love with an outlaw's wife. Then Stark must put his newfound bravery to the test when Anna's outlaw husband arrives with plans to plant him in an unmarked grave. Apple Inc. Internet Service Terms It's 1882 in Arizona, the heartland of the American West. Albert: I'm not the hero. https://www.quotes.net/movies/a_million_ways_to_die_in_the_west_110222, A Million Ways to Die in the West Screenplay, A Million Ways to Die in the West's quotes, https://www.quotes.net/movies/a_million_ways_to_die_in_the_west_quotes_110222. As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival. As Albert and Anna start to fall for each other in the process, Anna has to decide if and when she will tell him the truth: that she is already married, albeit unhappily, to Clinch Leatherwood, a vicious outlaw who, along with his gang, she and Lewis are waiting for in Old Stump. No better way to make your ex-girlfriend want you back more than to let her see you with another girl. Albert: Hey, sorry I killed your husband. As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival. Seth MacFarlane, Seth MacFarlane's A Million Ways to Die in the West: A Novel. presentation-ready copies of Toronto Star content for distribution You know, like snakes. Albert Stark, a mild mannered sheep farmer living outside of Old Stump, Arizona, hates everything about living in this time and place, especially the literally million ways he and others can easily die every day without a care, from shoot-outs, to bar brawls, to bites by rattlesnakes hiding in outhouses, to affliction by any one of numerous untreatable plagues and pestilences. Albert: Oh, f*** that. Albert cant abide the mindless brutality, appalling hygiene and constant danger of life in Old Stump, the tumbleweed town he reluctantly calls home: Everything out here thats not you wants to kill you.. PREVIEW. Anna: Yeah, well, I'll go with you. 17+. 3 likes. But when her husband, a notorious outlaw, arrives seeking revenge, the farmer must put his newfound courage to the test. with updates on movies, TV shows, Rotten Tomatoes podcast and more. 15. Listen to A Million Ways To Die In the West (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) [Deluxe Edition] by Joel McNeely on Apple Music. You can't blame Seth MacFarlane, that one-man comedy . Sign in to rate and Watchlist for personalized recommendations. Albert: and all I had to do was distract you while the poison entered your bloodstream. To order Isn't the fair on Saturday? Its justits a song about sperm, and yet they treat it with such legitimacy in their orchestration and their vocal performance and their choreography, and its this huge number with what looks to be over 100 dancers on screen. Privacy Policy After Seth MacFarlane's directorial debut Ted became one of the highest-grossing comedies ever made, he pretty much had the freedom to do whatever he wanted for his second movie. 1 May 2023. Seth MacFarlane, Amanda Seyfried, Charlize Theron. A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - He Drank the Whole Bowl! 2014 Back Lot Music. It won't be easy because there are a million ways to die in the west. Albert: [At target practice] I fired a gun at the shooting gallery. He is also not adept at shooting guns, which makes the death by shoot-outs even more likely, and is the reason why he cowers out of a shoot-out with someone to whom he owes money. But when she leaves him for the more successful and handsome owner of a moustachery store, Albert returns to his lonely daily life of trying to avoid death. I'm not going to the stupid fair. If you can get a song in there, its just a nice Hollywood tradition.. A Million Ways to Die in the West is a 2014 American western comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane, who wrote the screenplay with Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild. And just a small amount of venom in an open wound is enough to kill a man if he's Albert: Did he hear all that smart stuff I did? Albert is attracted to her, initially, by her beauty, but realizes she's the courage and confidence he has always hungered for. to colleagues, clients or customers, or inquire about We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. It was released on DVD and Blu-ray on October 7, 2014, and earned more than $15 million in home media sales. Making a splash: A deep dive into the live-action Little Mermaid with a new generation's Ariel. However, when the infamous West outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson) arrives in town, Albert realizes that he has just intruded on Clinch and Anna's husband-and-wife relationship, and Clinch is hungry for retribution. The one where EW follows up with the cast. It's like they lose the power to innovate because they're staring at the stick hoop all day. Albert Stark, a mild mannered sheep farmer living outside of Old Stump, Arizona, hates everything about living in this time and place, especially the literally million ways he and others can easily die every day without a care, from shoot-outs, to bar brawls, to bites by rattlesnakes hiding in outhouses, to affliction by any one of numerous untreatable plagues and pestilences. Albert: Oh. Directed by Seth MacFarlane. It found more than 1,100 deaths a year from climate change-caused heat in . Watch A Million Ways To Die In The West: Anna Tries To Teach Albert How To Shoot, Watch A Million Ways To Die In The West: Foy Mocks Albert On Their Way To The Shooting Gallery, Watch A Million Ways To Die In The West: Anna Meets Albert At The Dance. Not only did he adapt a song from the period, but he also hired a veteran choreographer and an army of Broadway dancers for the sequence. WARNING: The rest of this article contains minor spoilers for A Million Ways To Die In The West.If you haven't seen the film, read on at your own risk! Hes outclassed by Charlize Theron, who shows off her comedy chops in a surprisingly big way and generally seems to be enjoying herself. When she sees me, she'll be intimidated as f***. The movies best lines are typically one-liners that rarely come from the lips of MacFarlane, who frequently oversells a joke when he isnt merely spouting obscenities. If you do not yet have a Torstar account, you can create one now (it is free), Copyright owned or licensed by Toronto Star Newspapers Limited. There's, uh, famine, disease, gunfights. Edward: Please don't shoot us on sex night. [Albert notices a glow from inside a building and peeks inside], [It is Doc Brown from "Back to the Future" working on the DeLorean, which is under a tarp; Doc notices Albert and covers up the car]. Narrator: Some people are born into the wrong time and place. If You've Only Got a Moustache. Ruth: Oh yeah, it's this, its like from here to here. "There it is!" "Dear God, look at it!" "It's beautiful!". A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Great Scott. Stream songs including "A Million Ways To Die", "Main Title" and more. One of A Million Ways to Die in the West is to give away all your jokes in the promos leading up to your film's debut. This is MacFarlanes first live-action lead role (he voiced the potty-mouthed bear in Ted) and for my money hes simply not great at being the leading man, coming off as more obnoxious than straight-up funny. Edward: No I feel like I should have a piece of cake or something. Support. And if they dont work the first time, hell try and try again. rights reserved. [stammers] It's a weather experiment. 1882. Is it possible to overthink moronic humour? Albert: [Being offered a pot cookie by Anna] The last time somebody gave me one of these, I became convinced that prairie dogs could read my mind. A 2021 study estimated more than a third of U.S. heat deaths each year can be attributed to human-caused global warming. Tinker Bell and the Legend of the NeverBeast, Psycho (The Complete Original Motion Picture Score), A Million Ways To Die In the West (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) [Deluxe Edition], Classic Soundtracks: Psycho (1960 Film Score), The Imitation Game (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), The Magnificent Seven (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), Hercules (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), Cosmos: A SpaceTime Odyssey (Music from the Original TV Series), Vol. As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival.As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival.As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival. Comedy 2014 1 hr 55 min. Stream songs including "A Million Ways To Die", "Main Title" and more. Albert: No, no, no, no! The film was released on May 30, 2014, in the United States, and distributed worldwide by Universal Pictures. Albert: You know, there are a million ways to die in the west, Clinch. 116 minutes. Copyright 2023 Meredith Corporation. Entertainment Weekly may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. But when she leaves him for the more successful and handsome owner of a moustachery store, Albert returns to his lonely daily life of trying to avoid death. After all, you can never go wrong combining westerns and music . It just makes it that much funnier. But, just how many ways to die are there in the west? 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Then the mysterious Anna rides into town and captures Albert's interest and heart, but with her deadly husband in town, Albert is going to have to become the western gun-slinging hero he never was. 2 likes. Albert: Okay, that's Bridget, all right? What should be an ensemble comedy is more of a showcase for MacFarlane, who also co-writes and takes production and music credits. 4:18 . His comedy might be irreverent, but the key to success in a musical number, MacFarlane says, is treating your material with the utmost seriousness. Old Stump Bluegrass. Albert: You know what else can kill you? And then, for a good reason, Albert gets dumped by his charming girlfriend, Louise, only to fall head over heels in love with the intriguingly mysterious, horse-riding and pistol-packing stranger, Anna. There is an unrated, Extended Cut available, approximately 20 minutes longer. Halle Bailey, Melissa McCarthy, and director Rob Marshall share the tale behind making their underwater musical with a groundbreaking Disney princess. 2014 Back Lot Music. Albert, in turn, has to decide when he will become a real man in doing what he needs for what, or who, he truly wants in life. A Million Waysto Die in the West is a gross-out Gunsmoke, with MacFarlane directing an old-timey facsimile of his modern self in the lead role of Albert, a cowardly sheep herder in the Arizona of 1882. Apple Inc. Edward: Man, I see kids everywhere with those stock hoops lately. Filming began on May 6, 2013, in various locations in New Mexico including Alburquerque and Santa Fe, and it concluded on August 9 that year. Overly crude jokes and gross-out humor drag comedy down. Holy sh*t. To build a home and a life in this harsh, unforgiving country required that a man be bold, fearless, and tough as iron. The American West, 1880s. Starring Seth MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Liam Neeson, Neil Patrick Harris, Amanda Seyfried, Sarah Silverman and Giovanni Ribisi. She neglects to tell him that shes married to the outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), an infamous and jealous gunslinger who regularly contributes to that million-ways body count. The American West, 1880s. Hell, this was Miss America in 1880 [picture of a leathery middle-aged woman] . It starts from a clever brain that ceased emotional development at age 12 and winds its way through to the orifice that emits the rudest noises and effluence. The film features an ensemble cast including MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Amanda Seyfried, Neil Patrick Harris, Giovanni Ribisi, Sarah Silverman and Liam Neeson. R. All rights reserved. Her "it's not you, it's me" reason rings false as she quickly starts up with mustachioed Foy, the wealthy owner of a mustache grooming products store, he who Albert knows he cannot compete in not being wealthy enough to be able to grow a groomed mustache. All A Million Ways to Die in the West Videos A Million Ways to Die in the West: Trailer 1 2:30 Added: January 19, 2017 A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Ways to Die 2:24 Added . Marvel Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer, Jurassic Park Movies Ranked By Tomatometer, RT25: Celebrating 25 Years of Rotten Tomatoes, Weekend Box Office Results: Super Mario Joins the Billion-Dollar Club. CookiePolicy At a recent press conference held in Los . He was Methodist, I'm half Jewish. 10. Making a splash: A deep dive into the live-action. By Stephen Holden. Starring: Seth MacFarlane,Charlize Theron,Liam Neeson. Everything out here that's not you wants to kill you, angry drunk people, hungry animals, outlaws, the doctor." Albert gives a breakdown of just a few of the million ways to die in the West. Albert: Yeah. She is now with a dapper, successful, extroverted store owner, Foy, a fact Foy keeps reminding him of. All you need is a little bit of the venom introduced into your bloodstream and you're pretty much screwed. The joke evolved into "riffing on the idea of how dull, depressing, and dangerous it must have been to live in the Wild West." Missing Trailer Scene: The bit with the doctor . Chinese Date: How should I know? As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival. Copyright 2023
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